My mother is very controlling. Controlling the Dawn Phenomenon.

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My mother is very controlling

I pray every single day and some days I get so angry and resentful that she is still alive, she did not make our lives happy when she was all there so to have to quit 2 jobs to take care of her and her affairs has put a bad taste in my mouth and I just want to bury her and be done with it all. I pray my mother dies soon very soon! I am 23 and since I was 13, he has been living with my parents as they are his full time caretakers. As long as I can remember my parents have been feeding, bathing, brushing teeth, dressing, and moving my grandfather from place to place. His ability to see or speak is gone. He does not recognize any of us and is only responsive to music. Long story short, he has been on the decline for a very long time. My mother has almost forced this onto my dad who loves her too much to ever speak his mind around her since she is so emotionally fragile she will break down. My mom cries constantly and lashes out at my grandfather, and the stress was so intense I think it contributed to her breast cancer diagnosis last year. My grandfather then went to live with my aunt. Fast forward to today. He chokes on his food and has started to get reoccuring chest infections due to him aspirating it. I thought of this as a blessing because I see it as his way to leave this world in peace and finally be out of his misery. He always told me he never wanted to suffer when it was his time. I was relieved to see him comfortable in his hospital bed in a deep sleep surrounded by family because it was the way he had wanted to go, right? Mom and aunt insist on trying to feed him. For at least 3 years he has been wasting away on their couch. When I say he was comatose, I am not saying it lightly. I asked her if they would give him a feeding tube if it got to that point and she screamed at me and basically told me to stay out of it. She is not emotionally prepared to answer questions to answers she should have asked herself 10 years ago when this all started. Is this wrong of me? She halluncinated before, got agitated, but was basically ambulatory with help. Now she is weak and bedridden but the hallucinations are gone. She can hold a conversation but is very weak. One doctor told us the hallucinations might lessen as the brain continued degenerating. Has anybody experienced this? Thanks everyone for sharing there experiences. Simon 5 Nancy Wurtzel February 10, at 9: I know so many of us can relate to your feelings…I hope you can forgive yourself at some point. On some level, I believe your Mum knew you were doing what you could at the time. Take care of yourself. Wishing you peace, Nancy 6 celene December 13, at 5: I say to all of you. Be thankful you have a mother cause once shes gone you will be very very sorry and sad! Enjoy all the time you can with them until their last breath, as it will surely come. Yes, God will take her in His own time, but you have no right to judge others so harshly either. He refuses to eat or drink and the doctors cannot do anything for him at this point. Having to call family members has been very hard on me. Has anyone experienced this before? He is a fighter but this battle is taking us all down. He had to retire from his law firm 14 years ago and I have been his only caretaker. He has gone through a pile of stages and now he lives with all of them. Of course, dementia is by far the champ of all. I have been suffering so much it is unbelievable. I want him to die. There must be a right for people who see that there is no hope and only worsening problems to help these people die sooner. It is not right that this terrible situation destroys innocent people who are the caretakers. What crime did I commit??? I want my husband to die and that is because I am human. I have the right to survive. This monster of an illness is killing me, as well. I am not evil. I have been doing my best but who is there for me?? I now have all kinds of injuries and aches and who cares? My apologies if anyone is offended by my post but this is how it is, I have not been able to find any other reference to this problem, I need help for my own sanity. Very forgetful, would get agitated and could no longer walk and was in diapers. She was in a wheelchair. He had multiple mini strokes, each one causing more damage. Oddly enough, she was up reading her newspaper 2 weeks before she died. Not sure she understood all she read. Then all of a sudden she refused to eat. I would try and make her faborite foods but she wanted none of it. She had no food or water for 9 days. Would also choke on water, even drops I tried to give her. She had arthritis pain and could not even turn by herself over in the bed. She also had a no code, do not resusitate order. Being an RN, I never took her to the hospital, never had testing, MRIs and knew my mom wanted to always die in her home. My thinking was, what is the hospital going to be able to do for my mother? I got hospice onboard for end stage dementia…. We told each other we loved each other and I had Hospice start the Morphine. She went with me holding her hand. Hardest thing I ever had to watch. Get Hospice for your mom. My mom so wanted to make it to At 98 she almost made it. She died last year and I miss her. I am having huge trouble coping.. I took care of my mother till she died yesterday I was usually pretty attentive in the daytime but at nite when the sundowners kicked in, I was short and screamed at her. She was clean and well groomed and I often rubbed her back for comfort. I cut her hair and did her nails, toes, bed changes and baths. I just did not have same patience at nite as daytime because I was tired and worried about bills, family etc. She lived with me.. I provided a medical bed, bedside toilet and all the anemities of home.. She would not eat and knowing she would die without food, that mostly was my frustration as she became frail and lost over lbs as I watched. When I went to bathroom, or even to get mail, she would scream where are you. I had no time to myself at all and when I did it costs me so much. Early on, before she was bedridden, she would pout and cause me so much stress before I left that I stopped telling her to avoid leaving in a beaten up state of mind. I obsessed with watching her on cameras in my absence and worrying about her. I thought I was losing my mind so many times, I just broke down and cried. She just suddenly passed yesterday.. She did not want to be alone or die alone. As she was in pain all of a sudden, I called nurses and doctor who came to house and while I was sitting talking to them in other room when she finally died. She had begged me not to let her die in a hospital so that was my main concern. I sat with her day and nite but I was absorbed in my own life and because she had demencia just did not get into crazy conversations with her feeling they would be meaningless How do I cope, what can I do now 14 Leslie December 10, at She cant open a package of saltines but every time she gets sick they give her every treatment known to man to keep her going. So she can wind up in a nursing home? At this point, my family has no life taking care of her either. For the past 20 years, all we have done is taken care of an elderly parent while the other siblings enjoy life. Soory to be a crabapple. My mother is very controlling

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  1. My mom cries constantly and lashes out at my grandfather, and the stress was so intense I think it contributed to her breast cancer diagnosis last year.

  2. His house has become his personal potty. Now she is weak and bedridden but the hallucinations are gone.

  3. A major mistake often made when one spouse complains about being on the receiving end of controlling and disrespectful behavior from an in-law is the failure to address this major source of family and marital stress.

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