My boyfriend is depressed and suicidal. Not having sex makes men depressed, suicidal.



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Young men’s hidden pain: Suicide, heartbreak and loneliness



My boyfriend is depressed and suicidal

As a survivor of Read More Depression can have a devastating effect on close relationships. Sometimes depressed people blame themselves for their pain, sometimes they blame their partners. Their answer is often to leave and find happiness elsewhere. The specific effects of depression will differ in every relationship, but this is the problem I hear about most often and the one I lived with. Reciting the usual list of depression symptoms and the effects they can have on everyday life only gets you so far. Since depression is a condition that can vary from day to day, that active side of pain can be the driving motive. But there is another dimension of depression that can lead to the idea of escape as the answer. For me, it was a kind of deadness. Rather than an excess of painful emotion, it was the lack of pain, the lack of feeling, that was the undercurrent of all the surface turmoil. I believed that the relationship was holding me back. It had become hollow, empty of the intensity I longed for. I could only find happiness and passion with someone else. It was the fantasy of the perfectly passionate mate that was a constant lure. As one of the dwindling number of psychiatrists who still practice psychotherapy, he often works with clients who are dissatisfied with their relationships. They want to know if leaving is the best thing to do. When he encounters someone who is convinced that the marriage is dead, he says that he always suspects depression or another mood disorder. He can sense that the person before him could well have an undiagnosed depression that has emptied him of all feeling. Anhedonia is the cause of the desire to leave to find a new, more intense life. His relationship feels loveless because he can hardly feel at all. The problem is that the unaware depressive has such a high threshold of feeling that it takes extreme arousal to evoke excitement and passion. He can erupt with anger and rage because these are more violent emotions that stir him as little else does. After all, they can go out and have fun with friends. They can feel passionate with others who likely have no constraining relationships or might be seeking the same kind of escape. But they feel good precisely because these experiences offer exceptionally high levels of stimulation. They may also turn to addictive habits like recreational drugs, drinking, gambling or pornography for the same reason. Fantasies of escaping into a life full of new intensity seem like the perfect answer to their inner emptiness. No single explanation covers the diversity and unique facts of every relationship threatened by depression. This one fits much of my experience and also fits many of the stories that readers tell me in comments and emails. Does it make sense in terms of your own experience? Have you lived through such a crisis or been close to someone who has? My boyfriend is depressed and suicidal

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4 Comments

  1. Because she keeping distance from me and i dnt want that to happen. I cant help but feel im being selfish of wanting things to be normal. His friends all told him he wasnt ready to date, he got upset back when we were first dating.

  2. My mind nags me and tells me other mommas do things better, and love better than me. I try to keep in touch with him as I can.

  3. Naturally she declined, she had no way of going to her parents with this. Their answer is often to leave and find happiness elsewhere. He was always so happy go lucky, I was so envious.

  4. Some people sleep a lot, some struggle with insomnia. If you check out MMSL Forums , they are filled with men and women in various stages of improving their sex life.

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