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Sexual Temptation in Relationships + Making Physical Boundaries
Ted feared his wife Maria wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not being quite sure how to approach her, Ted privately went to see their family doctor to discuss the problem. Stand about 40 feet away from Maria, and say something in a normal conversational speaking tone to see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response. So, Ted walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. So he walks right up behind her. What are some recurring complaints you have about your spouse and vice-versa? Whose fault is it? Is one of you willing to try to change? As our own children have moved out of the home, however, we have come to understand a different side of parenting. We were called to deepen our own faith, not just help our children hold on to theirs. As young adults they are now often our teachers. Some of it is practical like how to manage new technology. Other times they teach us through resisting our traditional ways of being or believing. If your children are still living at home, put your energy into planting a solid foundation of faith, morality, and service. If they are already sprung, you may find the article I wrote for St. This might also apply to relationships with in-laws and other family members. There are several approaches that otherwise loving people can take depending on the circumstance: Ignore — Decide that the time, person, or circumstance does not allow for a fruitful dialogue. For example, holiday celebrations where the whole family is together is not usually a good time to initiate conversation with relatives whom you know disagree with you. Acknowledge briefly — State your alternative position, but do not engage. In this situation the goal is not to have a debate about who is right, but rather to demonstrate that you understand the other. You are not seeking to convert your beloved to your position. This can also apply when you have different religious convictions. Find a good time to talk Step 2: Spouse 1 fully describes their political position and WHY. This might be a stretch since you aren't a mind reader, but are seeking clarification.. Only when a person feels fully understood and not denigrated or foolish is it possible for them to even consider the possibility of another position. Living in harmony means respecting differences. Add to this the challenge of having time for oneself, and it can feel like life is a treadmill of unfinished To Do lists. I thought that it would get easier when our children were sprung, but nature abhors a vacuum and other things, good things, entered my own world to take up the space. Is something out of balance now in my life or do I merely want to confirm that I'm OK? Assuming that you are asking the question because you wonder if you are doing justice to your spouse, kids, and self, put your "Why" in that context. I'm feeling stressed by having too much to do. Evaluate what is urgent and essential. Let go or delay the rest. If you're not by nature an organized person, deal with that. I want to give more attention to my spouse, kids, or self, but I can't because my work is so demanding. Assess you and your spouse's jobs. Can modifications be made? I want to make a positive difference in the world, but my work or family obligations don't give me time. Doing good is good but you may have to broaden your definition of what "good" you are called to do at this time in your life. Bite the bullet and prioritize. Although this can be a short or forever stage, the most important thing is to establish two priorities: This can take many different forms from saying traditional prayers to meditation, to meeting with a spiritual director. The key thing is to develop the practice of evaluating the necessary life tasks at hand and discerning what is most important in life at this time. One way to do this is to make time to sit quietly listening to God for at least 5 minutes a day. Using commute time is a possibility. This is the foundation for all the later stages. Work and career are important of course, but taking quiet time to reflect on the meaning of life helps to calm the rat race and sort through career decisions. In addition to at least 5 minutes of personal quiet reflection, you may need to snatch another 5 minutes of family prayer at meals, bedtime, etc. Explore part time work, flexible schedules. Consider creative options like job sharing or switching off the parent at home. Involvement in worthwhile endeavors like world peace and protecting the environment may have to take a back seat to diapering and homework monitoring. This is holy work too. Can be done while waiting for your child to get ready to leave, to be willing to talk, to return home after a date See Just Family Nights for ideas. With all of these family nurturing times you may still not have time to make a dent in world hunger or poverty unless your work for an organization like Oxfam. Hopefully this is a time to deepen your spiritual life even more which will help you discern whether to plunge more deeply into your career or to use your discretionary time for a volunteer cause. Skype the further away kids. Pay attention to succession planning in your work and volunteer commitments. In this spirit I offer the following self-evaluation to check whether your marriage has a good PH preventive health balance. After 5 years of marriage, I became the main wage earner and Jim realized that he liked to cook more than I did. All work and no play make for a dull and dying marriage. We started out doing movies, dinner out, walks in the woods. We now enjoy contra dancing and have gotten into the habit of playing cribbage or gin for an hour most evenings. It's become a marital ritual. We gave up Scrabble because we disagreed on how long a turn should be. Depending on your life stage and whether or not your schedule is your own, i. Currently we do a short morning offering together then each take a longer time at our preferred time of day. See our Morning Offering as an example. Thus, I propose we tweak the Golden Rule: Do to others as they would have you do to them. This requires knowing each other well enough and trying to understand your spouse's needs rather than just giving what you would want. Try this for a start:: When we have an argument or fight would I rather be by myself for awhile or work it out right away? Would I appreciate my beloved cleaning out our photos, junk drawer, basement, or would I rather do it myself or together since I know the way I like it done? When making love do I like adventure or comfort? This is the million dollar question that many parents ask themselves. Some parents just give in because they are tired of fighting the battle. I reviewed over 10 websites, surveyed teachers, family ministers, and parents. I got a lot of input but no magic age. The primary principle that experts agreed upon is that for children a cell phone is a privilege, not a right. If you set rules that vary greatly from the norm, how might your child deal with being very different from their peers? This can be character building or it can spark rebellion and secretiveness. Is it peer driven or need driven? If the responses seem honest and adequate, propose family policies such as: Paying for it themselves gives points for maturity. So, what would Solomon say is the magic age for first cell phone? By the power invested in me by no one, but informed by my research , assuming need and maturity, I would propose:
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